The (Lesser Known) 11th Commandment

We aren't just here so you can listen to good music and stumble across the odd cat picture (though, fear not, that is largely why we are here). 

We also, admittedly on rarer occasions, are here to educate. 

We all know God. If not personally we know of him. Generally a nice guy, depending on what stories you read. Might ask his son to heal you, might ask you to kill your son, for the lols. Currently suffering a slight existential crisis after meeting Steven Hawkins.

You've probably heard of his ten commandments. Based largely around common sense, to paraphrase:

1. Look it's just me up here, I'll be really sad if you give someone else the credit for all this

2. Pretty much the same as 1. It's just me, don't idolise anyone else, okay?

3. Don't use my name as a cuss. How would you like it if every time someone did something wrong they proclaimed 'Oh, Susan!' or 'Margaret damn it!'

4. Even I had to rest on Sunday, take some time for yourself, 'kay?

5. I made your Mum and Dad and in turn they made you. I suppose I can't really take the credit for all of it anymore, so be nice to them, try to do them proud.

6. Please don't kill anyone. I have a system up here and I don't like being surprised. Also, I then have to tell Santa to take you off the 'nice' list and nobody wants that job, don't make me do it.

7. When you're with someone, don't sleep with someone else. This might sound like a tame one but I've been hurt in the past... Also, the Santa thing again. I don't want to tell him, but I will.

8. Don't nick things. Srsly. Satan stole my pitchfork and now the gardens up here are a MESS. Also, then, you will be a knicker, so, joke's on you really. Also, hate to keep mentioning him, but, it really upsets Santa when he has to rearrange his lists.

9. Don't pretend like your neighbour has done something when they haven't. I am GOD. I know if they have been filling up your dustbins or have been having parties you're not invited to on a work night. Y U LIE 4?!

10. You shall not covet your neighbour’s wife; and you shall not desire your neighbour’s house, his field, his male servant, his female servant, his ox, his donkey, his spoon collection, or anything that is your neighbour’s.

11. Thou shalt NOT EVER (and this is a big one) waste a hair cut.


And that's all she wrote (thank God) so, what with it snowing outside and us having no where to go, we didn't waste our new haircuts and we put together this video. 

Awfully long and blasphemous post for a terrible punch line, sorry.